Transcript: No One Knew How Johnny Carson Voted

Rob Long on what viewers do and don't want before bed

This is Rob Long with Martini Shot for The Ankler.

Let me just start here.

I like Stephen Colbert. And I like Jimmy Fallon. I like Jimmy Kimmel. I like everybody. Being on television every day is a hard job and probably does weird things to your sense of self — I mean, most of us moving through space during the day just don't cause that much of a ripple. But if you're on TV everyday, it's a hard thing to pull off just doing the job and being normal. David Letterman, for instance, now appears around New York with a big beard and crazy eyes, like some kind of religious nut. These shows are tough on the hosts.

The trick to late night success, I think, is being on TV every single night and not being yourself.

Johnny Carson, who pretty much perfected the modern late-night talk show, appeared effortless and affable on screen but was neither when the cameras were off.

He was a complicated and chilly guy, wrapped up tight and hard to read. You can watch clips of the old Tonight Show and never really get to know who he was, or especially how he voted.

So what I'm about to say is said with respect and a real recognition that doing a TV show every day is about the hardest job there is — in the entertainment business, I'm not making that claim generally because, well, there are lots of jobs harder than being on TV. Still, okay: hosting a show is hard, not the least because everybody who doesn't host a show has an opinion on how to do it.

And here's mine: the first rule of show business is, people don't pay for homework.