Apple Shrugged: Adventures in Stream-o-Nomics
Hollywood soaks the world's most valuable company until they cry mercy; Penske's Globe-sized conflict of interest; and another coulda-been-worse Zaslav headline
Welcome to the Jamboree, my weekly series of quick(ish) takes on the industry’s passing parade.
This Week’s Jamboree Listening Companion:
(Enjoy to one song with each item as you read)
The Wolfs at the Door
More fun times in the annals of the streaming era. Always amazing to see how far off the rails things can go when it’s not clear what exactly you’re doing in this business in the first place.
Not a new lesson: Some of the world’s most valuable companies, having effectively conquered their own industry, have turned their eyes to our shores. They extracted fuel out of the ground or invented an irresistible sugar water. How hard could it be to make movies and TV shows?
Everyone from Coca-Cola to Howard Hughes to AT&T arrived in Hollywood with fuzzy, happy talk about what the hell they were doing here — synergy, filling the pipes, you name it — and discovered quickly that there’s no secret formula locked in a vault. You only stand a chance of keeping your head above water if you’re really clear-eyed about what you’re doing.
If you wander into the saloon shooting your mouth off — What’s money to us!? We can lose money here forever! — don’t be surprised when people take you at your word.
The fact of the matter is that none of these companies ever actually think they’re going to lose money, because they have risen to the top of the world’s economic ladder, conquering vast swaths of the most competitive business sectors on earth. Whether you turned a website selling books into the planet’s largest retailer or you learned the business of distributing Canadian whiskey from your dad . . . compared to that, what do a bunch of silly show people know?
All that mushy-mouthed business jabber, though, is not why anyone’s here. They came here because they want to make movies and TV shows, because that looks fun — and selling cloud computing to the CIA or chiseling consumers out of $40 every time a cord frays is significantly less fun. Last I checked, there’s no international event where beautiful stars in the finest evening ware hand out awards for Best Paper Towel Shipper or Best Glass Rectangle Dopamine Device, and the world gets to see the most glamorous people on the planet cheering you on as you accept your trophy.
So if that feels good. So how does the opposite of that feel like, losing jaw-dropping sums of money on projects nobody wanted to see?Â
Because what the titans of other businesses never see coming is just how much money you can lose in Hollywood. We might be a backward backwater, but when it comes to spending other people’s money, we are the undefeated champions.
Which brings me to Apple . . .
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Hey maybe Apple should contact Cord Jefferson. He had some ideas, know what I’m saying 🤣🤑🎥 but seriously if the films themselves are worthy stories do they have to cost $150-250 million? An epic like Spike Lee’s Malcom X made for $35 million in 1992 dollars today that’s 70 million. It made 73 million dollars in box office that’s $146 million in today’s money. But you need a craftsperson doing this. Nothing about that film looks cheap. It still holds up. These new tech films coming in need to realize that. Sure Lebron can take a team full almost all stars and lead them to the mountaintop. That ain’t every other player. And same for a Steph Curry. He can shoot 35 footers with ease. Not everyone else. What’s the secret? Don’t know but why are you going for such extremes. There are plenty of players who if you put enough of them together with the right coaches and add money when it makes a difference you can win. Celtics and Nuggets don’t have a Lebron or Steph. But they have recently won championships with fairly regular all stars we are all use to seeing. First ballot automatic hall of famers? No. But they win. And that’s all that matters.